Help a spider out

Science Fiction author Spider Robinson's wife Jeanne is fighting cancer and they're both fighting to pay the bills. 100% of any money used to purchase Larry Santoro's excellent e-book, "Lord Dickens's Declaration," will go directly to the Robinsons. Here's the link:

http://www.starshipsofa.com/shop/lord-dickenss-declaration/

Dec 31st is the last day that people can buy Larry's story. I'd like to end the fundraiser with a bang. Let's get the word out all over the web to let people know on December 30th, there's only one day left to help. Why December 30th? Because if there's only one day left people won't put it off and say, "I'll do it later. I still have time." Make sure you link to the purchase page!

My dad

So, my father died last month.

He died alone in a hospital bed with no one who knew him nearby to mark his passing. My sister found out a few hours later, and then called me.

It's hard, even now, not to shout at someone complaining about something. I have to restrain myself from screaming, "How the fuck is that important when my father is dead? Huh?"

I don't, because they don't know and it's not their fault. Maybe I should, but it won't change anything and I doubt it would make me feel better.

I loved my father, even though he was a drunk. It's what killed him, really. He died because his body couldn't handle the withdrawal this time.

I think the saddest part is that my life won't change very much at all. He hadn't sent me even a card for any holiday or birthday for years, and never offered anything more than a vague promise to come and visit next year, "when he had more money." He was never much in my life, and these last years nothing more than a voice on a phone. Toward the end, I was calling him every week to talk to him. Mostly I got his answering machine.

I don't recommend having an answering machine for a father. Sure, they're great listeners but they don't teach you how to shave, change a tire, or take a punch.

I love my father, and I wish he could have stopped drinking. I wish that he loved me more than he loved gin. But he didn't. I think it would have been very wonderful to have him in my life.

But now I'll never know.

Steampunk

So, I've been shopping around a new short story I wrote.

Well, not so new, really. I wrote it originally for a Star Craft anthology, but it was turned down.

I'll vent more about what I lost out to later.

So, I re-wrote it and punked it up a bit, and shopped it to some online publications.

And, steampunktales.com picked it up for publication!

I know! Freaking sweet!

So, yeah. One more short story in the bank. Pretty soon I should write a novel and shop it around.

Birthday

I have come to hate my birthday.

Not because of the whole getting older thing, but because I am reminded of all the things that didn't happen in the last year. It's that day I can look back and say, "Yep, one more year of failure. Good job."

Well, it's not total failure. I still have a strong and happy marriage. I have a fantastic relationship with my father's answering machine. Which, I have to say, is great. I can call it at any time, day or night, and it always picks up. Usually on the first ring. It listens to whatever I need to talk about, provided it's in short sentences. And it never gives bad advice.

Of course it never gives good advice, but that's okay. You can't have everything.

My wife struggles every year to make it a happy day for me. I really love her for it, but she's flogging a dead horse, I think. Although, this year she really pulled out the stops. She got my sister and mother to come down to Padre Island with us for a few days of hanging out at the beach.

Luckily, my birthday is in what the weather people call "hurricane season" so rooms were plentiful and cheap. And, frankly, if you're not into running around on the beach, drinking, and having sex in your condo while looking at the beach there isn't much to do.

Thankfully, I'm down for at least 2 out of those three.

I tell my wife that each year is better than the last, that she has once again succeeded in making me happy on my birthday. I lie to her to help her feel better about the horror story that is my family relationships. I haven't lived within 600 miles of a family member since 1995. And that's on purpose.

I just don't get along with them, aside from my sister. She lives in another state, miles from family as well so that tells you how she feels about things.

I want to tell my wife, "hey, there's no way you can win this. today will always be a shitty day. Let's ignore it, and it will go away tomorrow." But that would make her try harder, so I keep it to myself.

If I could make my birthday go away, I would. That would be very liberating, I think.

And, since that's not going to happen, I'll just wake up tomorrow and it'll be over.

I have a question for you

If you knew that someone you loved was going to die tomorrow- you knew it with 100% certainty and that it would be quiet and painless- what would you do today?

Would you treat them differently?

Would you do something different?

Would you do something special?

Why?

Why would it take their death for you to do that?

tai chi

So, for the last month or so I have been plagued by a lot of leg muscle pain, and my re-occuring repeatitive motion injuries in my right arm and shoulder have really flared up. It was getting to the point I was popping Aleave in the morning and afternoon just to make it through the day. I went to a shopping center with my wife and some friends of ours, and pulled two leg muscles just walking around!

I decided that was no longer tolerable.

Now, I've done a lot of exercise programs in my time. And, I have found one thing- I really don't like it. I've biked for 100's of miles (not all at once, mind you). Biking didn't help my arm pain at all. And, I didn't want to invest in a weight set (being a freelance means I don't have money at all). I didn't want to join a gym, it seems such a pointless waste of money to me. Running was a painful experience from beginning to end.

And, with the leg pain even walking was an ordeal. I tried the treadmill and leg press at work. That was more pain that I wanted to deal with while being at work. But, things had to change.

And, last Friday, as I was helping my wife pack for her trip, a thought occurred to me, "What's that lame slow-motion crap you always see old people doing in commercials? Tie flee? I Chee?"

Then my wife says outloud, "Tai Chi. And, it's not just for old people."

I swear she is telepathic. She says I mumble when I think. Whatever. Back to the point- I don't think anything else of it until the next morning when I'm dropping her off at the airport. And, then I think, "Maybe I should look into this Tai Chi thing. It's supposed to be good for your muscles and stuff. Pick up a cheap work out video for it."

My wife says, "You should." and kisses me on the cheek as she leaves.

Now, I've got nothing to do so this Saturday, well, I should rephrase that. I am going to blow off all the stuff I had to do that Saturday since I was the only one home. And, I felt like following up on this Tai Chi thing.

I wandered around town, stopping off at just about every dvd carrying retail store I could think of when I ended up at Fry's. Of course the electronic warehouse had what I was looking for, Elements: Tai Chi for Beginners. And, I thought, "well, that's me." And it was the right price, $8. I can invest $8 to see if I'll like something.

So, I get it home, and throw it in the tv (my tv has a built in dvd player). I go through the beginners work out- a warm up, practicing all the forms, and then putting them altogether in one "seemless" flow. It hurt a little bit to go through, but nothing like running, biking, weight training, or even walking hurt. I never had to stop due to pain or inability to move a joint.

Now, here's the part you're not going to believe since it sounds like an infomercial: by the end of the routine my leg pains were gone, the muscles that were still stressed from being sprained weren't hurting anymore.

It sounds like a stupid miracle cure but it's true. My legs weren't in pain anymore. Now, my arm and shoulder were still hurting. And, on the second day they hurt more. But, on the third day it was less, and finally on the 4th day they don't hurt at all. I have a returned full range of motion for my right arm and both my legs.

so, I'm gonna stick with it for now and see how it goes. I've found a longer dvd, it has a 20, 40, and 60 minute process.

But the $8 one that I bought already is worth it.

I forgot

I've been beta testing more games, which has been a lot of fun. The first one is Champions Online, and the second is Webwars.

Champions is a superhero MMORPG put out by the same people who did City of Heroes/Villains. I can't say much, because there is still an NDA on it, but I will say they took to heart all of the requests and criticism from the players in the City games.

Expect good things.

The second game, Webwars, is put out by a local company here in Austin. This too is under an NDA but it's a lot like Neo-pets but less lame. If you're interested in playing, head over to their site, www.webwars.com to sign up.

steam punk

So, after 6 months of writing a review every week I've finally gotten to the point where it doesn't suck up all of my writing time anymore.

Which is nice.

That means I can get back to all the other things I need to be writing. Like this blog. Maybe get back to more than once a month writing. That'd be cool. And, get started on my new novel. That'd be even better. Speaking of the new novel, I've stumbled across a burgeoning Punk genre called Steampunk. And, I say stumbled upon because I already knew it existed and had seen a few anime's in that style already. But, as I started researching it more I found the sub-genre was an off shoot of Cyberpunk and started back in the late 80s.

Which is weird, since that's when I was readng more than I was breathing air. I mean, I thought I would have read at least some of it then.

Anyway.

As I was saying- new novel. I've decided to write in the punk style.

Which, in case you didn't know, is a rejection of the Star Trekian philosophy that science is our savior. No, punk says that science and industry is our ruination, and the only choice we have is to rebel against that science and industry. usually the worlds are dystopian nightmares, and in Steampunk it's all covered over in a polite veneer of Victorian society.

Which really lends itself to that idea of science and industry being a destroyer as it was during this time child labor came under scrutiny along with cruelty to people and animals. It was the golden time of the industrial revolution.

So, yeah. The next novel, which the outlines began for it last week, will be steampunkish. I have started to outline several short stories as well, to get my feet wet in the genre, so to speak.

whoa

Wow, I totally missed March, April, AND May.

Well, I imagine that's because my writing duties have really picked up. Right about January I got a gig doing game reviews for a website- www.cybermonkeydeathsquad.com.

I know, about the most cumbersome name you could have, but the guy who runs it is pretty cool. He's only had to reject one review so far, the one I did for Red Light Center.

A so-called MMO that I do not recommend.

I am hoping to turn the reviews into something more professional. Yeah, I do it for free now but it's still published writing. This guy is putting my voice on his site, as a representation of what he thinks is good stuff. I really appreciate that.

Now someone needs to hire me to do that full time, or let me springboard it into a writing gig for something else.

My quest for a video game based job continues unabated. I recently phone interviewed with Sony and was passed up to the next level- about 3 weeks ago now. I don't expect to be hearing from them any time soon. I keep getting to the same point- phone interview and passed up to the next level, only to find they had already gone in another direction.

Is it me? Is it something I'm doing or is it just bad timing?

Well, what ever it is I have to find a way to over come it and land a job in the game industry. Maybe I should start looking to freelance some work in the old table top side?

So, yeah, enough rambling from. I'll be back next week to make up for the last few months absence.

The Places We Call Home

How much do you know about the place you call home?


I don't mean  your house, but the area you think of as home- that town?


Throughout my life I have never lived anywhere longer than 5 years. As a result of this nomadic lifestyle my concept of home is two things; where I am living right now and Washington, IL.  I have family that still lives near there in Peoria.  So, when they ask how will it play in Peoria I can make a phone call to find out. 


 Anyway, I was avoiding some writing by pretending to do some research when I decided to wikipedia Washington.  It's still a mostly white town out in the middle of the Illinois cornbelt.  I've seen it described as a suburb of Peoria.  But, in my opinion it's too far away to really be a suburb or Peoria isn't big enough to have one that far away.  In either case Washington is a charming small town out in the middle of corn fields.  It's the sort of place people don't lock their doors.  Well, my parents didn't lock their doors when we lived there.  It's a great place to be from. 



I learned some nice things about the town- like my 1st grade teacher was likely descended from the towns founder.  A guy used to raise world famous Shetland ponies there. 


It is also the site of a World War II prisoner of war camp where German men were forced to labor in the local fields and factories.  The foundation of one of the guard towers is still visible at the intersection of  Wood and Jefferson.  I know where that's at.  As a child during the summer Mike and I biked past there on our way to the pool.  I think we even played on and around it.  The actual prison was less than a mile away from Mike's house. 


And, that kind freaks me the hell out.


I'm pretty anti-war and the place I think of as home was part and parcel of a war.  Not in the way that husbands, brothers, and sons left and never came back- there were many like that and I value their sacrifice.  No.  This was a prison. 


A place that I have an idealized view of, a place that I think of as good and safe was also a place where men were forced to work against their will, and if they tried to escape they would have been shot.


So, how well do you know the place you call home?

A year end reflection.

It is the beginning of a new year.  Well, a couple of weeks into it anyway but the shine hasn't had time to wear off yet.  While the demarcation is arbitrary it is certainly necessary.  You do have to mark a spot between then and now.   Otherwise how would we know the difference between them?  Right?  

For those playing the Home Game, 2008 was not as good a year as I had hoped.  In fact, it was likely the worst year of my life so I am not  going to rehash those elements.  And, in the news we know that this year has been fraught with momentous and truly historic occasions.  We've had elections that spoke about the change that came and left America.  There have been events that have changed the world here and abroad.  People have died, and more were born.  

Just perusing the news sites will give you endless columns and articles about the most important people, events, or top ten lists of best this or worst that.  Magazine covers will have sexiest man or woman alive for this year and tell us how we can have the best sex of 09 and lose those unwanted pounds.

However, I believe in all the historic hullabaloo they have missed one key detail.  One important fact has slipped through the self-appointed, the over-paid, and obsessive society note-takers.

No more state quarters.

No, seriously, they're done.  Alaska came out at the end of the year.  No more.  Finite.  Over with.  Ended.  All 50 are out.  A quick review in Google news reveals not one story about this.  Not one mention of a decade long project coming to its end.  No one bothered to write down that the single largest sustained project by the US Mint has come to an end.  And, it ended on time.  

And no one talked about it.  

For a decade these have been quietly coming out on schedule.  No longer will you have to flip through the change in your pocket to see if you've run across the latest issue.  Although you probably will out of sheer habit, but there won't be anything new.

Unless you're a slacker and still haven't gotten Alaska.   

I can't help but want something from this.  Something portentous maybe.  Or something that has some value or meaning beyond the act of collecting a certain type of money.  Something about the minor act of taking a moment out of my day, every day I got a quarter in change from something, to give it value.  Something to show the time was not wasted.  

But I can't, really.  I now have a small blue folder with roughly $12.50 in it that I will never spend.  And, if I die and pass it on to my children they will likely not spend it either.  So, it will sit on a book shelf not doing anything.

Or they will have found it when they were 12 and spent it on candy without my knowledge.  

A lot of time and consideration was put into this project.  Not on my end, but on the Mint's end.  Whole state governments were involved, and for a short time people cared about what the quarters meant or showed or said about their state.  For a time these quarters were very important to a lot of people.

But now that is over with and who really cares what the quarter from New York says about the state?  Or that the Wright brothers appear on two different state quarters?  

I want something from this project, and it's not there.  My sister in her time in Vietnam handed out the state quarters to the people and students she met there.  And I have to wonder if those people still have their quarters?  What do they think of them?  Do they represent a dream, an idea, are they more than just a alloy of metal stamped from a sheet?  What do the people of a poor communist nation think of their piece of America?  Their piece of the idea of Money and what it means to them.  

Then I think that maybe I think too much.  They're just quarters.  Things.  And I shouldn't place value in a thing.  Value resides in the people I know. Value is in the relationships I have with people not in things I own.  That I should embrace the Taoist idea of being and doing rather than thinking.  

Maybe I should combine the rejection of the material from Nihilism with the Taoist idea of being into a new philosophy of Taohlism.   One that rejects the culture of consumerism and ownership and combines it with the Toaist idea of harmony with the universe by being open and true to your own nature.  

But then people would probably pronounce it with a T and not a D, and call it Towelism.  Then create iconography and open a shop in ebay to sell it.    Which bums me out more than the state quarter project being over.  

Maybe the real value here is that no one noticed the end of the state quarter program.  No one noticed because it really is trivial.  That the quarters from Ohio and North Carolina are just two more reasons why I win Trivial Pursuit games and not something to think about.  That act of people living and dying has more value, more meaning, than a piece of the idea of money.    

So, yeah.  We decided when one year ended and another one began.  People lived.  People died.  The world changed how it was organized.  And we talked about that.   Some people were more sexy this time than they were last time.  Magazines organized what was good and bad about it all for us.  Something ended, quietly, and we did not talk about it.  

And that's okay.