Flyboys: a review

Put out way back in 06, I totally meant
to go see this in the theaters because it was the first serious film
to deal with WWI in over 40 years. Also, it's based on the true
events of the Americans that volunteered to go to France and learn to
fly- before the US entered the war.

But I completely missed it until last
week via Netflix.

However, it was just the right mix of
interesting flying dogfight scenes, and boring cliché ridden
war movie scenes. They had a rich guy, a poor guy, a rich racist
guy, a black guy, and an old veteran that didn't want to be their
friend. Oh, and then they had some other guys that showed up after
15 minutes to round out the set- you know, religious guy, and might
be a spy but really isn't guy.

And, like Saving Private Ryan, or any
other cliché ridden war movie, you can tell the order these
guys are going to die in. You know, first they won't talk about
themselves but then 10 minutes later they have a quiet moment and
reveal something personal and touching about themselves to another
character.

And 5 minutes later they're dead.

It also has some completely over the
top moments that are so unbelievable they must be true. I won't
spoil that for you so you can see it for yourselves.

This movie does it all: it conquerors
racism, social class, post traumatic stress disorder, and strained
international relationships between the United States and France.
And not in that order. Of course there are some raging historical
inaccuracies, but if you're not a WWI plane geek you'll never know.

But, the flying scenes are top notch.
Except the one where the pilot uses his “airbrakes” to take out a
German plan. No, those plans did not have airbrakes. Just some
wheels, canvas wings, guns, and an engine.

Overall, if I had seen this in the
theater, I'd be mad. But, since I got it through Netflix it wasn't
so bad at all. So, ultimately I give it a rating of: m'eh.

Strange Brew

So, I'm watching Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead when I realize something: Strange Brew is a remake of Hamlet told from the perspective of Rosencrantz and Guildinstern! Yah I know, no way, eh?

The brewery is a dead giveaway- Elsinore. Murdered father. Brother that marries his sister in law. Treachery. Blood! Beer.

It's all there you hosers, it's all there.

In wich I review Dragonlance the Movie

Short Review: Oh, fuck my eyes!

Long Review: What a giant turd. The animation was so sub-par for an 80's kids show it was laughable. For a animated movie done with Flash Animation on a PC this was a
travesty. The mix of computer generated 3d animation, and“traditional” 2d was so miss-matched it called attention to itself taking you out of what little story there was. The fight
scenes were literally bloodless- except for one that had some blood spray- which is absurd since everyone had bladed weapons and used them. It was like the kids of the animators that tried to get a job working for He-Man but couldn't because they sucked got hired to do this movie.

The 3d animation was eh. Not bad, but certainly not Pixar level or even Dreamworks. It was too clear there was only one Draconian model skinned, and one Dragon model that had three different skins. I never thought I'd say this, but the animation was worse than the Lord of the Rings animated movie from 1978- you know the one that was never finished. Yeah, worse.

The voice acting, well some of it, was schlock while others were quite good. Specifically Lucy Lawless as Goldmoon. Sutherland's portrayal of Raistlin was done as if he had never read any of the source material. He shouted all the time, and had one or two hacking cough scenes. And no tea.

The written dialog was heavy handed and expository. But I didn't notice since I was too shocked by the poor quality animation.

So, in summation: avoid this one at allcosts.

Sex Tape

So, a friend tells me that he's heard there's a Jessica Simpson sex
tape about to be released. apparently it's from when she was still
married to Nick Simpson and was taken while they were staying in a
hotel.

so, of course I've got to google that. 'cause she's hot. And I suffer from the curse of extreme curiosity. But it's not available for free yet, and I refuse to pay for porn. and, then I run across all these other celebrity sex tapes. So many

that I had never heard of. Like Ashley Simpson's sex tape. Gena
Nolan's sex tape. Kevin Smith sex tape. And what's-her-name from the
High School Musical. Britney Spears (she has two) and on and on.

and I had to wonder- why hadn't they even shown up on the news gossip radar?have we grown so jaded about celebrities fucking on camera we don't even care anymore?which I think is a good thing, I think there should be more sex on tv and less murder. but that's just me, I guess.

or is it we've become wise to the gimmick? we know it's there to
jump up media attention now, we know it's just there to titillate us a
little bit more about one more person we shouldn't care about?

I"m thinking so. I mean, that nerdy dood from Saved by the Bell had a sex tape for chrissake!

We should stop paying attention to these people for being who they
are, sure they entertain us but we shouldn't be bound up in their
lives. We shouldn't be worried about who they are or are not fucking.
Or if they're having sex on camera. We should be worried about who
we're having sex with.

I mean, I don't worry too much about it. I know who I'm having sex with.

But the point still remains, we shouldn't care about who is fucking
whom. As long as it's consenting adults without any previous binding
legal and moral agreements with other adults about exclusivity.

I meant, if you're in a relationship and your partner isn't cool with the extra circular stuff don't fuck around.

And, at this point I am compelled to add, if you do have the full version of the Simpson sex tape, lemme know.

In Which I review Dragon Wars or why it sucked.

So, my wife and I are big fans of surreal, specifically fantasy. Good stuff. And we reeally meant to go see this one in the theater. To be frank, we were a little disappointed that we didn't go see it on the big screen. But, having caught it on Netflix I'm glad we missed it. I would have been pissed if I'd seen that on the big screen.

It's not often I say this, but it would have been better in the original Korean, in subtitles. Instead they opted to do, what I can only guess to be a shot for shot remake for American audiences.

What I would have accepted from Korean characters, I find hardly plausible from Caucasians. Could you believe an older white guy, a young white guy and woman deeply conversant in Korean culture and mythos? So much so they can whip out prayer scrolls and think nothing of it? Or the FBI being prepared for a Dragon Invasion?

yeah, me neither.

But I could if they'd been Korean. Or at least have one Korean character explain it to the dumb round-eyes.

But, the dragon shots were nice. the battle through downtown was great. The end fight was cool.

But not enough to save the whole movie.

All in all, it sucked. I say avoid it. Or if there's a Korean version out there, watch that one.